


but I fear I have nothing to give

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Ben Solo Lives [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different Powers, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, By Palpatine, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Redeemed Ben Solo, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:35:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28579821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: What if Ben hadn’t died at Exegol? Or, Ben using a different form of Force Healing saves him.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Ben Solo Lives [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094090
Kudos: 7
Collections: Allbingo, Bad Day Collection





	but I fear I have nothing to give

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Rebirth
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: You can blame someone jogging my memory on Twitter about KOTOR and its use of Force Healing for this little fix-it. Title is from “Fear” by Sarah McLachlan, a song I currently am obsessed with.

Clawing. Clawing his way towards the surface. And then —  
  
It was one of these things where Ben looked upon the sight of Rey’s lifeless body and realized what exactly he had done. What he hadn’t done. She had saved them...but at what cost, exactly?  
  
The last of the Palpatine bloodline was dead, but even if Rey’s bloodline wasn’t linked with the Skywalkers...she didn’t deserve to die like this. A Palpatine, dying to save the galaxy — she at least deserved better than this.   
  
There was a technique, Ben knew. A technique that could bring back someone from the brink of death. The Sith lady (though calling her Sith was too simple for such a complicated woman) Darth Traya had done this, bringing back a man who had been mauled by a drexl.   
  
She had used it for manipulation, though. Ben wouldn’t do that. His cousin (second cousin, but who was counting) deserved more than that.  
  
“Rey,” he said softly. “Awaken. Live.”  
  
 _Live. For your friends, for the galaxy, for all of us. Live..._  
  
***  
  
Rey jolted back to life, and the look she gave him — stars, he swore that she had never been this happy around him. To see him, of all people. “Ben.”  
  
“I’m alive,” Ben said. It was a good thing that Darth Traya’s method of Force Healing wasn’t deadly. Some forms of healing overexerted the person doing it, and some uses of the Force were exhausting.   
  
His mother was dead. It was his fault. If he hadn’t been such a failure of a son, if he hadn’t been so power and glory-hungry, maybe she would still be alive. Maybe, he wouldn’t effectively be the last of the Skywalkers.   
  
Besides Rey, in a way.   
  
“Rey,” he said. “You’re not just a Palpatine. You...when my great-grandmother was young, Palpatine impregnated her with my grandfather. Your uncle.”  
  
“So you’re saying...I’m your cousin?”   
  
Ben nodded. “I should have told you. Palpatine didn’t brag about it; he isn’t that stupid. But...I caught glimpses from his mind.”  
  
“Glimpses,” Rey said.   
  
Ben nodded.   
  
“Maz Kanata did say that the belonging I sought wasn’t behind me, but ahead,” Rey said. “I never thought she’d be talking about you. My family.” A sigh. “Poor Shmi Skywalker. She deserved so much more.”  
  
“She did,” Ben said.  
  
Rey hugged him. There was something about that gesture that made Ben wonder if he had anything to give. If he had anything to offer her.   
  
To offer Poe.   
  
It had been months since they had been stranded together. Did Poe...oh stars, he had tortured Poe. True, he had been forced to, but he could have been stronger. Better. Braver. He was a coward, in the end. A monster.   
  
"Can you feel the dyad?” Rey said.   
  
“It feels...odd. I think it broke when you died. A bond between two living beings isn’t easily broken, Mical the Disciple said.”  
  
Rey nodded. “So...it’s gone.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Rey sighed. “No offense, but thank the Force for that.”  
  
“Can’t disagree with that.”  
  
***  
  
The Falcon was the one to pick them up. Even as Ben sat in the brig, he couldn’t help but wonder what Poe would think of him. Poe hated him. A part of him tried to insist it was rare that Poe hated anyone, but Ben knew better. Dear stars, he knew better. Surely a line had to be drawn somewhere. Here, maybe.   
  
Footsteps. Rey appeared, and Ben looked up at her. “You okay?” she said.   
  
“I never thought I’d be in the brig of Dad’s ship.”  
  
“You called him ‘Dad’.”  
  
"I got used to it." Then, “He appeared to me. After you left.”  
  
“Was it like a ghost?” Rey said.   
  
“I don’t know. Maybe...maybe it was all in my head. But he told me that even though Mom was dead,” and he didn’t miss the way that Rey raised her eyebrows in surprise at Ben using that phrase for Leia. "What she fought for still lived on.”  
  
“Did he tell you to ditch that horrible, janky lightsaber?” Rey said.   
  
Ben shrugged. “I’m afraid I lost it.”  
  
Rey laughed, sharply, in surprise. Then, more seriously, “I’ll vouch for you. At your trial.”  
  
“Rey, I don’t deserve — ”  
  
“You’re my family.” She sounded so fierce, so determined, that Ben admired her all the more. "Why are we talking about this?”  
  
Ben sighed. “You know what I did to my family. To my father...”  
  
“I saw him,” Rey said. “He loved you. He loved you so much, Ben.”  
  
Ben swallowed. “I still don’t know why."  
  
***  
  
The Falcon landed. FN-2187 walked up to him. “I guess,” he said, “For a change...I owe you. For what you did for Rey.” Then, “I still think you’re a bad person.”  
  
“Fair.” Ben said. Then, “About the forest...it was wrong, what I did to you. And it would be hypocritical to call you a traitor.”  
  
“You really renounced the Dark Side?”  
  
“For my part.” Ben didn’t know how much of a renunciation it was. If it was going to be more Vader-esque or Revan-esque. He could hope that it was more Revan-esque.   
  
"Good on you,” FN-2187 said.   
  
Larma D’Acy had to cuff Ben then, lead him to a cell. He supposed that this was fair. Cuffs around his wrists, just the beginning of his penance.   
  
***  
  
The Resistance didn’t torture their prisoners. That Ben knew that Snoke had lied about. Even as Poe stepped out of the shadows, Ben braced himself — but Poe sat down in a chair opposite him instead.   
  
“Been a while, Ben.” Poe said.   
  
Ben nodded.   
  
“I heard you saved Rey,” Poe said. “I knew there was good in you. True, it was wavering in and out, but it was there all the same.”  
  
Ben knew what he was talking about. Being stranded together. When he had saved Poe. Because even as Kylo, he couldn’t let Poe die, not if it was possible to save him.   
  
“Yeah,” he said. Then, "Poe...I’m sorry. For everything. For being weak, for not fighting back against Snoke...”  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“I tortured you,” Ben said softly. “I tortured you, and I was too weak to resist Snoke.”  
  
"You fought him in the end.”  
  
Ben snorted. “I turned the saber clockwise to impale him with my mind. Not exactly impressive.”  
  
"Still. Ben...I can’t hate you. I was angry with you, but...I can’t hate you. I love you. You mean the galaxy to me.”  
  
“Why?” Ben said.  
  
“Because you’re strong. Brave. You believed in me. I turned my life around, Ben. So can you. There are people who love you and believe in you, and I’m one of them.”  
  
There was something in Ben that wanted to reject it. There was another part of him that wanted to drown in it, if it meant...  
  
"I love you, Poe,” Ben said. “And I’m so, so sorry it took me this long to tell you.”  
  
They couldn’t kiss. But the touch of their fingers through the bars...Ben knew that he didn’t deserve such happiness, didn’t know if it would last...but he could savor it, in the end.


End file.
